Perms, Pedicures and The Glory of Man

Woman is The Glory of Man.

Has sort of a lovely ring to it, don't you think?

Every time our pastor reminds us that we women are the crown of creation, the beautified version of humanity, The Glory of Man...for one intoxicating moment I feel the weight of my own glory. I am lovely! I am appealing! I am beautiful! I am Woman!

Unfortunately, this altogether-too-brief moment is dispelled as reality barges its way into my imagination, reminding me how bloody hard I had to work to conjure up even this paltry semblance of glory! The culinary deprivation, the physical exertion, the scraping, peeling, shaving, coloring, cutting, painting, moisturizing, spraying, soaking, and every other laborious and expensive enterprise man has invented for our preservation!

Whatever glory I possessed in my youth, has slowly succumbed to the forces of gravity, whose cruel jokes cannot be entirely reversed. Well...maybe they can be! So far, I've stopped short of surgical intervention...but there's still time! I'm only 43. If genetics hold true, I could easily have another 60 years to maintain this "glorious" mortal frame. Botox, tummy tuck, laser hair removal, subcutaneous fat extraction...I hear you calling my name.

If there's an up side to this frenetic glory-making (or shall we say glory-faking), I suppose it's that as our glory resists intervention and fades, so does our men's eyesight. Chances are, they still think we're glorious. The work of an Ingenious Creator, no doubt.

Disclaimer: This article itended for recreational use only. Not recommended for theological consumption.