Dumb & Dumber

In case you hadn't figured it out by now, I'll let you in on a little secret: I tend to be a tad sarcastic and cynical.  Hey...what can I say?  It's a gift. 

Certain events and circumstances are prone to bring out the worst of my sarcasm - especially TV.  Commercials, news anchors, commentators, you name it, I'm probably cynical about it.  "REALITY" shows?  Don't EVEN get me started!  

Anyway...Is it just me, or do the commentators for really big sporting events get dumber every year?  (Not to mention slightly less capable of forming complete words in English?)  I mean, really.  How smart do you have to be to make such prescient remarks as:

"These guys really need to put the ball in the end zone!"

OR

"You can't make those kind of turnovers and expect to win the game."

And then they affirm each other. 

I love that they always ask each other what the teams have to do to win...as if somehow the "way to win" has changed since the last game.  The profundity and variety of their answers are nothing short of astonishing and are usually some roundabout way of saying:

"Well, Joe, they need to score more points."

"You're right, Tim, and they need to find a way to stop the other team from scoring points."

AHHH!  So THAT'S the big secret to winning a football game?   Offense and defense?  These guys are brilliant.  Or...maybe they just like to hear themselves talk.  I guess I can't help but compare their commentating to that of the good-ol' boys of baseball.  Now, THOSE GUYS can spin a yarn and describe a game in colorful terms.  ("That ball bounced through the outfield like a jalopy down an old dirt road!"  Doesn't get much better than that, you know?!)  Unfortunately, I think these guys are a dying breed as well, being replaced by the more professional-sounding, highly-trained sort whose voices are indistinguishable and who posit the same "learned" phrases, but at least a few of them still exist and are a sheer delight to listen to.

I did hear ONE original comment during tonight's Super Bowl.  When the Colts' kicker missed his field goal and then pointed both index fingers toward heaven, one of the guys remarked:  "He's a very spiritual guy...make or miss."  Still not brilliant, but original and telling nonetheless.  All I can say is:

Cardinals report to Spring Training in 9 days.  :-)  Bring it.