12 Steps to Creating an Addiction

Step 1:  Ask savvy friend who already built a set, where to begin.  He directed me to these instructions: http://www.cornholehowto.com/  These were perfect for a rookie like me.

Step 2:  Pluck up the courage to actually DO it.

Step 3:  Head to Lowe's for my supplies...in a Sunday dress and high heels, no less (I had to go straight from a job interview!).  I found that men were anxious, but fearful of offering help.  I suppose they've been blasted a few too many times.  One gentlemen customer decided to school me on choosing "true" 2x4's.  Another informed me that Lowe's would cut the wood for me, if I wanted them to...for free even.  One male employee asked, "Now, you know you have to drill a pilot hole before inserting those wood screws, right?"  Mostly, the offers were to make sure I was finding what I needed.  It was a little comical, to be sure.  I tried to be extra interested in their advice and receive it all graciously, hoping to partially salvage the reputation of surly, independent, "I don't need men" women.

Step 4:  Haul the lumber out of my car into the 110 degree heat and wonder for the first of many times, "What was I thinking?"

Step 5:  Follow instructions.  I discovered that building is a lot like sewing: get the materials they tell you to get, have the right tools on hand, follow the step-by-step instructions and wah-lah!!  You have a finished product!

Phase one:

 Step 6:  Bend.  Squat. Hydrate!  Bend.  Kneel.  Squat.  Stretch.  Hydrate!

Step 7:  Consult YouTube: How to use a jigsaw

Step 8:  Consult YouTube:  How to use a miter saw  

Step 9:  Hide the stuff from Shaf every night (it's a SURPRISE!  THAT may have been my stupidest move...yes, let me haul 50+ lbs. of lumber in and out of my car every night...why not?)

Step 10:  Create and apply ugly black and orange SF Giants design.  

Step 11:  Head to Hancock's for duck cloth.  The fabric cutters always ask what you're making, right?  So I tell her and she says, "Oh yeah...we used to call that Toss Across."  Exactly.  I'm making a Toss Across set for a grown man.

Fear the Beard corn bags in the making:

Step 12:  Present final product to satisfied customer.  Score MAJOR  brownie points.

Done.  

I'm tired, I need a new back, and I have "orders" to build 3 more sets.  But if you'll excuse me, I think I'll head back to the world of women to have tea with my girlfriends at The London Tea Room.  Pinkies up!