Monday, November 19, 2012


Today...everything changes.  Well, pretty much everything.  Our family enters a new phase of life which finds me transitioning from full-time mom to full-time employee.

I'm grateful.  I was woefully under-qualified for the job I was graciously given, so I'm thankful that my employer assumed the risk of hiring a mom who, except for a 6 year teaching stint at my sons' school, has been at home for 19 years, and who has not been in the business world since 1988.  A few things have changed since then.  OK...a lot of things have changed since then.  So, I'm grateful for the opportunity.

But I'm also a bit fearful.  Truth is, I have become accustomed to a life of leisure.  I go out for coffee or lunch when I want to.  I stay up till all hours of the morning reading and writing.  I do my household chores whenever I decide I'm ready.  I exercise for an hour and a half most days.  I volunteer at church and the charitable organizations of my choice at will.  I cook for others, lay out in the sun, peruse YouTube for new music, keep up with Facebook, blog, take a nap,  etc., as I please.  Basically, I've had  a great deal of freedom...and have perhaps been spoiled by that reality.  

I have a lot of questions:

Can I handle the dog-eat-dog business world without becoming one of the dogs?

Will I be too tired at day's end to engage with my 16-year-old son?

Will I become a better manager of my time or will I find myself completely incapable of keeping up?

Will I neglect...and ultimately give up responsibilities at church, at SPC, and at PFF?

Am I even capable of performing the tasks set in front of me?  

Will I become even more independent and self-sufficient than I already am?

Will I deny my lifelong tendency to be a workaholic, consumed by ambition and perfectionism?

Will I ever run another mile, read another book or write another essay, or will I lose touch with those life-giving activities?

Ya-da, ya-da, ya-da.

Silly, I know.  Many, many women have figured out how to manage both home and gainful employment over the years, so it CAN be done.  And it can be done WELL.  The question is, Can I do it well without losing touch with the things that matter to me?  It will change me...will those changes be for the better?

The up side is:  

I have a generous Christian boss who has already proved accommodating to my needs, desires, and whims.  

I'm getting in on the front end of what could be exponential growth for this young company.  

I'll be able to contribute toward my sons' education, allowing them to finish college relatively (or completely) debt-free.  

I'll be intellectually challenged and engaged by much of my work.

All I know for sure, is that this is the path God has laid out for me.  Whatever it brings, I must receive as from His gracious hand and I must learn to be content and thankful.  

Restlessness, fear, and discontent, be banished!  

In the scope of life and sorrows and trials and changes, this is a relatively innocuous one, yet there remains a bit of melancholy in moving on from The One Task I have lived for since I was...oh...about 12 (mothering!) to a new phase.  

I covet your prayers, your counsel, and your encouragement. 

1 comment:

annie said...

You're going to be great at this. I know that it is hard to make a change from the at-a-whim lifestyle (one that I currently I totally get how hard it is to quit...I'll be there someday, myself) but I just think that you're going to rock this. I'm going to pray that the transition is a good one for you. It'll probably be like getting used to a busy school year -- in the beginning, you think that it'll never work and never slow down and then, all of a sudden, you find a groove and wonder what you were so concerned about.

I will pray for you! :)