Remembering

A very brief novel of Port William in which Andy Catlett wrestles with the loss of his hand.  

"His right hand had been the one with which he reached out to the world and attached himself to it.  When he lost his hand, he lost his hold.  It was as though his hand still clutched all that was dear to him --and was gone."

Andy is literally and figuratively alone with his inner turmoil.  One particular moment of that struggle comes while, away from his family and the farm, he roams the streets of San Francisco in the early morning hours:  

"Andy is filled with a yearning toward this place.  He imagines himself living here.  He would have a small apartment up here on the hillside looking out over the bay.  He would live alone and slowly he would come to know a peacefulness and gentleness in his own character, having nobody to quarrel with.  He would have a job he could walk to in the morning and walk home from in the evening.  It would be a job that would pay him well and give him nothing to worry about before he went to it or after he left it.  In his spare time he would visit the museums.  His apartment would be a place of refuge, quiet and orderly, full of beautiful things.  But he reminds himself of himself.  For the flaw in all that dream is himself, the little hell of himself alone." 

With his characteristic poetical poignance, Berry reveals the inner life of this very human character as no one else can do so well as he, I think.  We become Andy as he gets lost in his loss and struggles to find his way back home.