What I've Done Right

A young gal who is raising several very young boys asked me a while back to share with her what I have done right in raising my own boys. What has worked? At first I was reticent because my guys are still relatively young and time will tell how they "turn out." Next I hesitated because it is so much easier to recognize what I've done poorly than what I've done well. Then there's this: every child is different and has to be raised somewhat differently than the next, so is it possible to identify something that would be universal in its application? It has only taken me about 5 months to come up with 1 thing.

But there is one thing. And that thing is admitting I was wrong. I have made many mistakes, some from ignorance and inexperience, some from stubbornness, some from wrong motivations and some from plain old sinfulness.

Thank God that little children have not yet learned to hold deep grudges, nor do they enter the bog of bitterness. They are surpisingly faithful and even eager to extend forgiveness. BUT...they eventually learn that anger, bitterness and refusal to forgive are options. When that time comes, I think it is easier for them to avoid those traps if the parents have consistently acknowledged their own failures, shortcomings, and sins. Stubborn pride can either prevent us from even recognizing our faults, or refusing to admit it to our "subordinates"...afterall, it might weaken my "position" of authority or cause them to question me in the future.

In reality, I believe it has the opposite effect. When I humble myself and admit my wrong, I break down the illusion of perfection which means my children cease to expect perfection from me. They begin to realize that, though I have been given charge over them, I experience the same struggles as they do...to do what's right and best...but failing all too often. They're not as hard on me and therefore grant me some "slack." They question me less, realizing that I don't assume I'm always right. They begin to distinguish between treating me with respect because I have earned it (which I often haven't) and respecting me because I am their mother...striving, however imperfectly, to do what is best for them.

I am convinced this is why I have good relationships with my boys now, as teenagers, and why they are pretty open with me and are fairly quick to admit their own faults too.

So there it is...my one thing: confess your sins and seek forgiveness from your children. Plain, simple, universal, and hopefully true.