I lay in bed last night mentally composing a letter to my brother of all the last things I want to say to him. An old high school friend who recently lost her baby brother to brain cancer has been urging me to say whatever I want or need to say and not to wait. I got up and wrote that letter this morning. Previously, I haven't been able to bring myself to say emotional words of parting while Jeffrey was still putting forth every effort to live! It seemed morbid and out of place. He has acknowledged in several ways recently, though, that he knows death is approaching and is not far off, so I finally felt free to pour out my heart.
It appears I may have waited too long afterall. Mom called and told me to come today. Jeffrey was very sick last night and late in the evening he became unresponsive and has remained so for most of the day. My parents are now there in his home to stay until the end.
Needless to say, I've spent most of the day in tears. Ironing his burial jacket and adjusting one of the patches that wasn't just right have been cathartic in a strange way. I've replayed many childhood memories which make me smile, laugh, wag my head in disbelief, and then cry some more. I'm heading to see him in a couple of hours and plan to spend most of the evening with my family there and I hope to catch one final waking moment with him.
As always, thank you all for your love, concern, prayers, and kind words. The body of Christ has supported us throughout this ordeal in countless ways. The Lord be with you all.
11 comments:
I'm so sorry, Lori. You can still read him your letter.
May the peace of Christ comfort and sustain you and the rest of the family during this time.
Praying, Lori.
I'm with Angie . . . read him the letter while you are sitting beside him today/tonight.
We are sending prayers and love, too!
We are praying for you all right now.
The kids and I are praying for you tonight.
Our prayers are added to the many others. Definitely read the letter--hold his hand--hold each other closely. Our hearts hurt with yours. Praying praying praying. He fought a courageous battle. JKH
Thank you all. My mom read Jeffrey my letter earlier in the day, so he got to hear my heart afterall. Though he had very few wakeful moments and even those were a bit confused, it seemed pretty clear that he could hear us...and occasionally he responded verbally, though we couldn't always understand him.
All his close friends and family were able to see him today and now I think we're all ready to let him go. It's obvious he is suffering greatly.
Thanks again for your encouragement, love and prayers.
Glad to hear that he heard your letter. Know that he knew your love and care for him regardless. You were a letter to him letting him know of your love for him.
Thanks so much for the updates, Lori. I'll be praying.
Lori, I'm so glad that you were able to write a letter to Jeffrey and he was able to hear it. Our prayers are with you.
Josh
Lori... I love you and feel your pain at the loss of your brother. Especially communicate my sympathy to your mother and father; I'm so sorry. Love, Nancy
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