Monday, December 10, 2007

Yes Sir, Sergeant Major Sir!!

At my church, I have been labeled with the unwonted and undesirable title of "Drill Sergeant." With very little effort, I have seemingly built a reputation for being skilled at the "art" of intimidation...especially when it comes to hordes of young, squirrelly children!

This reputation for squelching exuberance with a mere glance, is not one I relish, nor do I enjoy its attendant duties - usually some form of crowd control where masses of smiling, calm, lovely-dispositioned adults stand watching while I scowl, rebuke, admonish, shake-the-finger, shake-the-head, give-the-evil-eye, reposition, and otherwise force their children into submission.

This year, I have once again been recruited as the "bouncer" during the Service of Lessons and Carols rehearsals, where we attempt to quickly and efficiently line up 60 Grammar school children on stage in an aesthetically pleasing way. Yesterday, about 5 minutes into the process, much to my chagrin and consternation, one of our 6th grade boys, James, declared, "You are a very good disciplinarian!" You have to know James to fully appreciate the impact of that remark. My sternness momentarily gave way to a chuckle of delight...

I've attempted to convince myself that it's not some quality of severity or harshness, or a propensity to control-all-things, which causes me to be recruited for such jobs.

No. No. It must be that I possess the singular capability of taming the exuberance of these bundles of energy to a manageable level, without extracting the joy from their hearts! Yes! That's it! There. I have sufficiently deluded myself.

Well, not really. But I have successfully persuaded myself that this role of Drill Sergeant is an unpleasant necessity for staving off uncontrolled chaos and for the purpose of organizing all these bodies to raise their voices in unison, inciting our hearts to rejoice in the birth of The Christ-child!

They proclaim, with an appropriate sense of wonder and simple trust, the glories of the One who has secured our Consolation and Redemption, thereby softening even the hardest of hearts. Even the Drill Sergeant's.

14 comments:

Jessie said...

I love that kid!

Sorry that you got the bouncer job. I tend to get these kinds of jobs, too. I am the mom on the play ground who referees other people's bully children. I've gone so far as to take a strangers child by the arm and say, "take me to your mother so I can tell her how you are behaving!"

I guess someone has to do it...

Anonymous said...

Too bad you're leaving STL...I think you would have been a suitable substitute for me!

BTW, just so the "recruiter" doesn't feel badly, I should say that I really don't mind helping out...but I do always feel like the "bad-guy." However, I'd rather do the job than not have anyone do it...then I sit there squirming and fussing and wondering why no one is telling them to BE QUIET when Mr. Hoover is talking!!!

Anyway...James IS a hoot, isn't he?!

Anonymous said...

Leave it to James to tell it like it is. :)

I wish that I had the "art" of intimidation. Maybe you could give me some pointers?
--annie b.

jennifer h said...

I appreciated your confiscation of my son's electronic device on Sunday. He, of course, insisted that he tried to get it to me before the rehearsal started, but he couldn't find me.

Yours is a heavy cross to bear, but many of us are grateful for your doing it.

Anonymous said...

It was the smoothest running rehearsal that I have ever been a part of...do we even need to rehearse this Sunday?:)

Anonymous said...

Annie, I'm afraid my training would be ineffective...a certain level of innate meanness is required and I'm thinkin' you just don't have what it takes, dear!

Jennifer, he was so subtle about it, I probably would never have known he had it if it weren't for everyone around him freaking out about it. I should of been suspicious when he was so quiet and cooperative, huh? :-)

Debbie, you're too kind. Next year I think it's your turn. Oh, and btw, tell Miss Mary Rose that there will be absolutely NO WAVING during rehearsal!!!!! ;-)

Anonymous said...

Are you implying that I might have what it takes to do the job? I think I might be offended! ;)

Anonymous said...

I'm an adult (or so I'm told) and I'm afraid of you... :-)

Anonymous said...

Debbie...well, duh! Anyone who can manage your husband plus all them crazy boys...6o juveniles is just another day at home for you, girlfriend! I've seen you operate...

Rhonda...Yesssss! You should be. Now, if I could only scare Jack! :-/

Anonymous said...

Have you seen what comes up when you google your blogsite name? HEre it is...I am curious to know who wrote this?

"She's No Lady
(She's quite the comedian - check out her humor blog - plus she's a Jim Jordan, Peter Leithart, JJM gal...how could you not like her?) ...

lorishaffer.blogspot.com/ - 159k - Similar pages"

Anonymous said...

I agree, "How could you not like her?";)

Anonymous said...

Debbie, that's actually authored by "yours truly" about Angie at Bloggin-Dazs.

But thanks for thinking someone could have written that about me! I guess I like her because she'd like me. ;-)

Anonymous said...

What I meant to say is: "I guess I like her because she's like me."

Anonymous said...

I think you were right the first time...don't we like people because they like us??;)But I guess when people are like us (or our husbands), we naturally take a liking to them.

Anyway, I think it does describe you...