Sunday, July 20, 2008

Perms, Pedicures and The Glory of Man

Woman is The Glory of Man.

Has sort of a lovely ring to it, don't you think?

Every time our pastor reminds us that we women are the crown of creation, the beautified version of humanity, The Glory of Man...for one intoxicating moment I feel the weight of my own glory. I am lovely! I am appealing! I am beautiful! I am Woman!

Unfortunately, this altogether-too-brief moment is dispelled as reality barges its way into my imagination, reminding me how bloody hard I had to work to conjure up even this paltry semblance of glory! The culinary deprivation, the physical exertion, the scraping, peeling, shaving, coloring, cutting, painting, moisturizing, spraying, soaking, and every other laborious and expensive enterprise man has invented for our preservation!

Whatever glory I possessed in my youth, has slowly succumbed to the forces of gravity, whose cruel jokes cannot be entirely reversed. Well...maybe they can be! So far, I've stopped short of surgical intervention...but there's still time! I'm only 43. If genetics hold true, I could easily have another 60 years to maintain this "glorious" mortal frame. Botox, tummy tuck, laser hair removal, subcutaneous fat extraction...I hear you calling my name.

If there's an up side to this frenetic glory-making (or shall we say glory-faking), I suppose it's that as our glory resists intervention and fades, so does our men's eyesight. Chances are, they still think we're glorious. The work of an Ingenious Creator, no doubt.

Disclaimer: This article itended for recreational use only. Not recommended for theological consumption.

12 comments:

jennifer h said...

Love the disclaimer!

You're doing pretty well at keeping the glory alive.

I am thankful that the man is not just considering the outside glory!

Lori Waggoner said...

"I am thankful that the man is not just considering the outside glory!"

Thus the disclaimer, 'cause of course, I know that inner beauty and acts of love and service are a huge part of the real glory...but quite frankly, it's just as hard, if not harder at times, to cultivate!

See this AM at VBS!

annie said...

What? Have you even seen your skin because I think that it looks great. And, I don't know if you've noticed this, but gals with your complexion seem to age ever so much better than we used-to-be-red-head-freckle faced gals. I'm with Jennifer and think that you're doing a good job keeping the glory alive. Really. :)

Lori Waggoner said...

Oh...you mean THE TAN? Yeah, well, I actually like my skin when it's tan too, but you obviously haven't noticed the age spots! In the winter when I'm pale...I'm all about the make-up!

And though this will sound like the mutual admiration society, I left VBS today thinking how absolutely stunningly beautiful you are. And so natural too. I know...you're still YOUNG! And sweet...

Karen said...

My husband and I sat here and read this post together and got quite a laugh out of the last paragraph and disclaimer. Thanks for the laughter!

Lori Waggoner said...

Karen,

My mission is fulfilled! All I wanted to do was make someone laugh!

You've changed the name of your blog, haven't you? I recognized your photo, but thought the name was new...? Thanks for stopping by.

Lori Waggoner said...

Yes...now it has come back to me. It was Karen's Conversations, right?

Al said...

Thanks for stopping by our little backwater of a blog Lori...

What a lovely family you have pictured there!

God Bless

al sends

bestie said...

Oh no! I'm in trouble if your last paragraph is true. DH went just this morning to have a cataract removed and has been promised better vision within 24 hours. Maybe I'll take a trip to the ole' beauty parlor while he's recovering!

And it's us women, in all of our faux glory that complain that there are no real men around.

Lori Waggoner said...

24 hours! That's just not fair notice!

Btw, do I know you? I couldn't access your blog...

bestie said...

Oh - sorry. I should have introduced myself. I did, kinda, on After the Handbasket. I "met" you there and followed you here. :)

My blob is having some anomolies... and until I get them fixed, I've got it shut down.

Nice to meet you - I'm Susan

Lori Waggoner said...

Hi, Susan. I'll keep trying to access your blog in the coming weeks so I can learn a little about you.

I did find your welcome over at the backwater blog...thanks.