Easily Amused?

After Grant read and memorized the Missouri Driver's Guide, he, in typical male fashion, left the book in the family room...for me to pick up and discard. You know, those 3 feet he'd have to walk all the way to the kitchen garbage, can really take it out of a young stud athlete.

A few days ago, I decided that before I threw it away, I would look up a couple "rules" that I was unsure about. Well, let me tell you, I got a lot more than I bargained for!! How so, you ask? I found a couple hours worth of entertainment in this little 120-page booklet, which is chock full of profound, life-altering statements too good not to share.

If you wear glasses or contact lenses, you may need them for the vision test. Ya think? Only if you want to PASS it!!

If you are unable to meet the vision standards as required, you may be denied a license. MAY be? Well that explains a lot of the idiocy on the road!! Some of those people who couldn't see properly were granted a license anyway!

Throughout the driving test, the examiner will subtract points for any driving errors you make. If you lose more than 30 points, you will fail the test. You will also fail the test if you hit a pedestrian. Picky, picky, picky!!!

STOP SIGN - A stop sign is red with white letters and has 8 sides. Not to mention it has the word STOP plastered across the front of it!!! Let's see...I better slow down and count the sides on this red thing...I wonder if it has 6 or 8 sides because maybe it isn't really a stop sign!!

When making a left turn, avoid cutting the corner so sharply that you run into someone approaching from the left. Awww....bunch o' killjoys!

Do not park in an intersection.

The best way to control your speed, is to know how fast you are going. Oh...NOW you tell me!

If many vehicles are passing you in the right lane of a multi-lane roadway, you are probably going slower than the rest of the traffic. Probably?

Vehicles moving in the same direction and lane, and at the same speed cannot hit one another. Rocket science...

Never stand in the roadway.

Trucks are not large cars.

On residential streets, especially those with parked cars, travel at or below the speed limit. But on non-residential streets, or residential streets without parked cars, feel free to ignore the posted limits?

The bicycle is generally a slower moving vehicle and this may require you to slow down. And if it is not slower moving than your vehicle, you generally might need a new car.

Never cause an accident on purpose. If you did it on purpose, wouldn't that make it NOT an accident? Or am I confused??

If your hood suddenly flies open, pull your vehicle off the road. Happens all the time...really. It's more common than you might think.

If your car stalls on the railroad tracks and a train is approaching, unfasten your seat belt, get out of your vehicle, and off the tracks. Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant!! But please make sure, by all means, that you unfasten your seat belt before you get out.

When you are convicted of a traffic violation while your vehicle was in motion, the department receives notice and adds points to your driving record. This isn't like a football or basketball game - you don't want these points. No...I didn't mistakenly color my commentary green!

In a longer vehicle, you will need a larger gap to cross the road than you would in a car. Common Sense 101?

BICYCLE - A vehicle having two tandem wheels, propelled soley by human power, upon which any person may ride (except scooters and similar devices). As if anyone who didn't already know what a bicycle was, would understand the words TANDEM and PROPELLED!!

This, ladies and gentlemen, is our government at its lunatic best!! Hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. :-)