Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Non-edible Spam

My system is fairly adept at catching bogus emails and the great majority of them go straight to my spam folder leaving me completely out of the loop.  I like that.  However, said system does 
allow a handful of these ads to get through, causing me to wonder how marketers determine who will receive which ads. 

Some of them are surprisingly appropriate.   Have I  inadvertently activated a webcam? I mean...these are much too relevant to be random!

Anti-aging cream (but maybe I LIKE my crows feet!)
Remove dark circles under eyes (hmph...)
Flatten your abs in 30 days (at least I know they haven't seen THESE on the webcam or the offer would be 120 days!)
Maid service (I could seriously go for this!)

Then I receive some which indicate their marketing profiles are seriously skewed:

Brain games (me?  yeah...not so much!)
Smokeless cigarettes (and what would be the point of THAT?)
Bark-Off (surprise!!  I already found a way to stop my dogs' barking!)
Senior care (perhaps they know I'm married to an older man?)

And somehow these ad maestros have determined that I'm "on the market" so to speak, because they LOVE to send these:

Match.com
Singles in my area
Dating singles over 50
Christian singles
Black singles
Find 7 new flirts

Alrighty then.  I suppose they think I'm looking for a flirtatious, black, elderly Christian from St. Louis??  How ever did they know??

But my ALL-TIME FAVORITE has to be this one which comes through at least once a week:

Hip Implants Recalled

Are you kidding me??  How in the world can you issue a recall on a permanently-installed BODY PART??!!!  I can see it now...you just nonchalantly walk into the orthopaedist's office and say, "Hi there.  I have this piece of paper from the internet.  Yeah...I'd like to make a quick exchange on the bum hip ya'll replaced my bum hip with...if you don't mind."

I guess it's a good thing that the system fails to catch a few of these along the way.  Otherwise, I'd miss out on some good laughs...and who among us can't use a couple extra laughs?

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