I really am going to finish what I started a couple weeks ago.............eventually. In the meantime, I have been contemplating what it is that hinders my own prayer life. Two major obstacles repeatedly turn my mind and heart from prayer: guilt and doubt.
How can I ask God to ACT on something on which I am not willing to act? For example, this morning, one of my thought processes led me to pray for peace and unity within the body of Christ...immediately I was reminded of ways in which my attitudes and actions would have to change for that prayer to be answered. Afterall, if I am not willing to let go of offences and actively pursue a life of peace with some whom I know to be brothers, how do I expect that prayer to be answered? Can I pray for God to miraculously bring unity among His People while I nurse resentment toward others within the church, or while I create schisms by pushing or shoring up my own theological agenda, or while I ignore some within the Body because they are just too different than I?
Ultimately, the answer is "yes" I CAN pray for peace and unity because that prayer is most certainly according to His will, and He is able to change EVEN ME. When we pray, we will naturally be convicted of our own sins...and though I must be willing to change my actions and attitudes, I desire God's work to go forward in greater proportion than my willingness or ability to do what's right. In praying, I am made aware of my sin, prompted to confess, repent, and change those attitudes and actions which hinder the answer, all the while acknowledging that I need the Spirit of God to fully work that change in my heart. (As Paul says in Colossians, "I toil, struggling with all His energy which He powerfully works in me..." I must work at changing, but His power must be at work in me to accomplish it.)
So, I pray in spite of myself, because "even if our hearts condemn us, God is greater than our hearts..."
Doubt and fear also hinder my prayers. I sometimes doubt whether or not I am asking for the right things. And though I never doubt that God CAN do anything, I often wonder if He WILL. If I ask for something that is clearly in accordance with His revealed will (such as a particular person's redemption), and He chooses not to fulfill that request, will I become angry or resentful? Do my prayers REALLY make a difference? Isn't God gonna do what He's gonna do anyway?
These doubts and fears must continually be alleviated by reminding myself of the Truth: The Scriptures command us to pray. God is a loving and faithful Father. He hears our prayers. He is completely sovereign. His "mind is changed" by our requests. Etc. And...these doubts force me to renew my trust in Him, resulting in this plea: "Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief!"
Prayer is a struggle. It forces me to face my particular sins as well as my unbelief, but ultimately it brings me face to face with Truth as well as truth's Author...that is always a good thing. So, I do it anyway...
2 comments:
I told my oldest son to start praying for someone with whom he struggles. He said he didn't want to. I told him that God could change the situation on both sides. Then, a week or so later, I found myself having internal struggles with that same person, and I realized I needed to heed my own advice.
Thanks for your thoughts on prayer. Reading your post made me think that in many ways, prayer comes down to obedience--trusting that God will use it even when we can't understand how.
I remember a time at college when there was a girl I really didn't like (I realize now that I was intimidated by her, but I didn't know that then), and I found out she would be working at the same summer camp. I spent 2-3 months while I was apart from her praying for her and that I would learn to live in love toward her.
I always remember that as an incident in which God obviously answered my prayer. My heart changed toward her and as we worked together I even grew to love her dearly...I was not able to muster up love for her...I didn't LIKE her, but the Lord answered.
It seems you and Calvin don't have the luxury of praying while you are apart from that person, so there are opportunities for continued conflict, but I trust the Lord will hear and answer you both.
Isn't it something how we are often rebuked by our own instruction to our children?
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